♥ Charlene Thy

Two 29ths after

2012-01-29T15:50:00.001+08:00

Sigh sigh.
Couldn't help thinking that we would have been 8 months if we hadn't separated. Why am I like this ah?
I'm so tired from studying :(
I feel like shit.
When will I stop feeling like shit????

I keep hurrying myself to get over him but then I know I would have to feel all the pain before I finally move on.
It's like crying until there's no more tears to cry. BUT HURRY CAN???
I'm so aware that I feel like shit.
I'm so aware that I need to move on.

Sigh. Again.
I feel like sleeping cause I'm so tired but that's not allowed cause I'm not done with studying :(
I seriously miss you. The memories are haunting me every single day and I'm really hoping that I'm really on my way to forgetting you.
The dates and times are blurred. Idk whether it's my memory, or maybe it's cause I'm moving on.

I have stopped writing for quite some time. It makes me feel a bit disconnected. I haven't done anything.
I am procrastinating.

So where do I run to hide from myself now?

2012-01-28T12:09:00.001+08:00

I've been dreaming so much lately!!
Every single night for the past 5 days!
I dreamed of him for two consecutive nights :/
Last night and two nights before.
And I had funny dreams like my mom playing catching with me, and she's the catcher!!!!! Hahaha!!!!!
And of tpjc people?! Random.

Sigh! It has been 64 days and I really don't know why I'm keeping count. If I stop counting, will that help me get over it? But it's hard to stop counting. :(

My stomach is having this come and go cramps. I hope it goes away for good soon :)
I'm lagging behind a lot on guitar. Just cause I didn't go for last Friday's practice. Three new songs to learn urgh. Now that I've learned it, I need to practice a lot. And I am still missing one piece of score >:(

I have two CAs on Tuesday.
Chemistry and Physics.
I need to go check what else do I have.
ASSIGNMENTS. TUTORIALS.
But I must study first ah.
No ah, must do everything by tomorrow. That's cause school is till 4 on Monday :(

Pfft. I did the BTT and FTT for iPhone (the application) and I was okay for BTT but suck at FTT sia! But that's considering I know nuts about gears and clutch and brakes and whatever! For the BTT I redid questions I got wrong so now I kinda know a bit more... HAHAHAHA lame. I hope I can learn driving this year! Although I don't have a car. Maybe I can borrow my mom's car. LOL.
Alright I'm gonna go do my shit now.
Good day!!!! :)

2012-01-23T23:15:00.001+08:00

I need an outlet....
Okay I'm sad again. I think it's cause my menses is coming soon.
I cried again. Why?
I know (yes, finally) that I should not cry over someone who don't even think about me anymore what. But I can't help it. I hate that I'm feeling down every festival since we broke up. I know there's happiness, but I can't deny that there's also sadness. I can't possibly say "No I'm not okay" to people who ask whether I'm okay right? It's getting old, really. Nobody really bothers, except the people who are involved. Just like in Tuesdays with Morrie. After he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, the world around him did not stop, just because he was going to die. Nobody really, truly knows unless it's happening or happened to them. And even if it happened to them, unless they're not over it, they cannot really emphasize either. I know there are so many things in life I haven't experienced for myself, idk why am I so unable to move on. TIME. Eventually time will do its job. I believe it will. But for now I can only miss you and cry. I am such a crybaby. Plus I have a lot of snot when I cry. (too much information) I'm the kid that can use a whole packet of tissue and it will not be enough. :/

I read on tumblr something like... It's confusing whether it's a test to prove how strong your love is or is it a test to show whether you have moved on? I forgot. I only know that maybe a small part of me believes that it's possible to love without being loved in return. But what is love, really?
What do you do when you love, but don't get loved in return? Is there anything to be done?
I think this is the part of me that cannot move on. Maybe this is the reason why I hold on. This parts wants you back, but is okay if you don't, because this part wants to love you anyway.

I feel so useless. It's just a guy what. Move on la, so many guys out there. To be honest he wasn't really my type. But since when do I have a type? Do I know my type? Isn't it cool that I can love someone who is not my type? But isn't liking my type being superficial? What am I saying?

I'm saying I'm really tired and I want to sleep.
Heart still beating - The Dirt Radicals
Goodnight you guys, it's still Chinese New Year after all, have fun!!!!!!

Oh yeah my mom went for dinner and drinking with her colleagues like half an hour ago lol. She asked if I wanted to go. I was in a dilemma. I was thinking it'd be awkward and I'd be too out of place and the youngest and I'd be using my phone.
Oh well. Bye all.
And if you're reading, (lol who am I kidding) I have to just say that I... Still love you. Perhaps I will stop saying this when I stop feeling this.
YES I WILL SHUT UP NOW BYE

Happy Dragon 2012

2012-01-23T00:05:00.001+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!! Hahaha!
To usher in the new year, my desktop cannot be turned on :(
And I was planning on watching movies urgh. Then how???
I'm bored and sleepy now :(
Despite a nap just now.

I'm feeling so tired and sick of life PFFT. My goal in life? Idk, study, get good results at A's, get a good job.
If I'm lucky I will find Mr Right and get married and have babies. But then again all that is so boring.
Is that really my goal??????

LOL WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE IS THIS. It's raining btw.
Want to sleep.
K HAVE A GR8 CNY.
Back to school on Wednesday. #bummer

P/s: I miss you, even when I shouldn't.

Feeling shitty today

2012-01-21T17:05:00.001+08:00

Hello I feel sad now. Really really really moody and I just want to go jogging in the rain. Run until I feel so tired but continue running.

But it's really no use. I feel so moody urgh. I want to take a nap in this nice weather. But my mom is vacuuming the carpet at the bedside.
I've been doing my homework since I woke up and I've taken a lot of hand phone breaks. I've even packed my stuff at the dining table! I sorted out my developed films and CDs.
I feel so sad, because I didn't take that many pictures with him. Some didn't come out!!!! :(
With Holga and flash, a lot of my pictures didn't come out :(
Sigh. I do have some, but I look like shit in them lor... #insecure
HAHA. Okay the washing machine is making a lot of noise, combined with thunder and the vacuum sounds. I want to go for a walk..... But that's just weird.
"Where you go just now?"
"Oh I went for a walk"
HAHAHA. Psycho.
I'd probably just say "Oh I went out"

I'm still counting, although its stupid. 57 days.
I feel like watching HIMYM or Gossip Girl! Or the new episode of New Girl.
But I also want to finish my vector tutorial by today. Idk how to do at all lol. Even the basic question. -_-

Okay here's my plan, not that you care.
I'm going to watch the shows, and do the work at night!! :)

Good day, blogging made me feel better! :D

P/s: I finished writing quite some time back........... Decisions waiting to be made.

Second week of j2 year

2012-01-20T20:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes your image is blurred, but I still miss you everyday. I see your face in my mind everyday.
But this is the start of honestly getting over, because your image wouldn't be blurred in the first place if I wasn't ready to let go.

What am I blabbering about -_-
CNY holiday starts today hehe.
But only Monday and Tuesday are school holidays. :/
A lot of homework and a lot of revision because I am lost in every subject. Nice. It's still the second week of school.

Oh well, Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone :)
May this dragon year be a fruitful year for you!!!
Keeping in mind that it may all come to an end on his birthday, 21st December 2012. Wow. Some parts of me believe that but yet something tells me "Life goes on" HAHAHAHA.
Have a good one, good evening folks.

2012-01-16T18:31:00.001+08:00

Fuck la I miss you so much now :(
Why?????????????????
ENOUGH ALREADY. PLEASE.
I'm quite tired of crying over you. You probably don't even think of me anymore. Sigh.
I cant do anything but let time heal me, like it always does... Or does it? Does it just make me forget?

One day...

2012-01-15T11:28:00.001+08:00

From twitter:
#Sagittarius like #Pisces mysterious ways, but truth be told, they do not make a good match. Sagittarius are insensitively blunt for #Pisces

I wanted to retweet it but... Idk la I feel that there's a chance of him seeing it there but not here, right? This isn't the first time I'm seeing it, and in my defense, I saw something that said it could work if both parties could work out their differences.
But I agree I find him too insensitive sometimes. Sigh!
One day I will wake up without you on my mind. One day.

But for now... I still miss you dearly :(
I hope you are doing well!!!! :)

@2.48PM
Whoo hoo I was super angsty just now!!! Feeling much better now, thanks Stella hehe :)
Idk whether it's a passing feeling, but I feel like I don't need you anymore!
Okay who am I kidding. It was really a passing feeling that passed quite fast.
But I feel a stronger urge to get over you. SO ANYWAY. I've been bottling up my feelings hmphz. Then again, would being honest ruin things?
I am quite tired of bearing with things. I know I'm not perfect, but then so is everyone else.

I shall continue on my to-do list :)

First week of j2: Done

2012-01-14T11:45:00.001+08:00

Haha hi!!!
I need to say this!!!! I am quite frustrated that things that used to cost money are now free!!!! LOL. Like blogger and bejeweled blitz. The apps in appstore. But anyway, good ah now people don't need to pay! But still sian that I paid for those apps last year.
So anyway I'm done with my first week of school and the highlight was mainly 11th, which is Tpjc first ever Open house day and the day I got my iPhone 4 hehe.

Updates on my iPhone 4: the battery lasts way longer than my iPhone 3G! Kinda duh. But it's also way faster!!!! Duh x2. But.... The battery is starting to die faster. Is it cause I'm forever using my phone? I haven't used my portable charger for my iPhone 4 yet! Jiaqian and Kenneth say cannot use, cause the charger is used to the batt life of my 3G. Using it on the iPhone 4 will now decrease its battery life. Idk how true cause that's the first time I heard it but then again my knowledge is really damn limited. Tell me things, guys. Or don't blame me for not knowing! :)
My apps auto shut down once in awhile. Is that normal? Cause maybe I'm too kanchiong. Loving the speed too much and assuming the phone can take anything. Another thing is that I found out it's my Internet that is super slow. And not that good connection too!!!! But that's when I don't use 3G. I just use the normal cellular data. To save battery yknow?!
But with a way faster phone, the overall speed is way faster too, so I'm happy. I hope I don't get complacent.

Back to school was obviously a change and I can't say I've adapted yet. Especially the sleeping hours. Yes, at night I'm so exhausted so I fall asleep almost immediately. Cause I sleep at 12+ but wake up at 6+.
I KNOW. I shouldn't complain cause people are waking up at 5+. But my mom told me that since young, I vomit when I have lack of sleep. Still true. Just that I'm stronger and can cope with lesser sleep. On Thursday I slept at 12+ but then on Friday I was able I concentrate!!!! Awesome! But then I know it's not like that everyday.

My to-do for the weekend:
1. Math supplementary paper
2. Read econs
3. Physics tutorial
4. Chemistry 'quiz'

1/2 of which are actually holiday homework hahahaha.
Have a great day guys :)

New phone - iPhone 4

2012-01-12T18:05:00.001+08:00

Hello!! I'm using my new iPhone 4 to blog hehe. I know, finally.
Or maybe you'd ask why not 4s? Cause cheaper ma! Hahaha.

Okay that's all. School has been tiring. Although today is only the third official full school day. Yesterday's open house was surprisingly fun! There were actually people who came for tpjc open house. :o
Hahaha so anyway after open house, Jiaqian and I went home to change. Then went to somerset! We went to orchard central to eat Genki sushi.
Yum!! I'm still kinda fascinated by their technology hahaha. So creative. So cute.
Then halfway I left to meet my mom at m1 at somerset to get my phone. Initially the plan was to change my old phone, iPhone 3G (not 3Gs), so there's a rebate of $400.
But my phone has a scratch so they didn't take it. In fact they had a $ 53.90 penalty or something. PLUS I didn't know I had to cut my simcard cause iPhone 4 and 4s has a smaller simcard. M1 charged like $19.90 while outside, it was like $5. Cause it's just literally cutting it. We went back to Genki before we went to City Hall.
Got a bumper, which I regret a lot. Cause cutting the card cost $5, and I got $10 screen protector too, front and back. She said that if we got a bumper then she'd waive off the $5!!!
Urgh shouldn't have said yes. Cause I have covers at home. I couldn't wait and bought first lol. Total for the phone amounts to approx $500.....
Sadly. So I need to discuss with my mom how much I need to pay her back!!!!

I also want to save for end of year overseas trips after A's :)
And to dye my hair red too. Maybe treatment since my hair is in a horrible state now. Really frizzy. And I want to do manicure/pedicure LOL.
But I need to take a job as well. To earn money for the above. So maybe I may need to start work soon, then go overseas in January when it's cheaper!!! And after earning the money ma!!! Hahaha.

K I am bloody exhausted idk why. I ended school early leh, 3.30!
I need to...
1) Read the newspaper from 3 days ago
2) Study econs for mini econs test
3) Physics tutorial
4) Save ecareer to thumbdrive to print tmr

Good evening y'all.
:)

2012-01-11T17:09:00.001+08:00

LAST POST FROM MY LAGGY IPHONE 3. Two years old already!!

2012-01-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

A Level year officially starts tomorrow

2012-01-08T14:20:00.002+08:00

Hi. School starts tomorrow.
Feeling damn sian now.
I have to deal with it. Hectic as hell. I am not sure whether being busy will take my mind off obsessing over him.

FOR NOW, HERE'S TO A GOOD YEAR.
Let's try to make it count? :)
I hope that no matter how tired I am, I get to appreciate the little things and not let them slip by.
I hope to do good deeds. And not complain. (which is impossible)

LET'S GO.

It's like the last day of holidays today.
I think I shall not study, like how I didn't study yesterday also LOL.
Gonna go to Stella's house later. Her maid, Nura is leaving for good on Tuesday and I am mother fucking sad. She is so funny! She has been like my maid also lor, cause every time I go Stella's house she will help me also one. She's super friendly and she is like a friend to me...
Sigh.
People leaving me. Positive thought: People are entering my life as well!!

I miss you, JX.
I still do. I hope you're having fun, and I hope you are safe. :)

Road Trip

2012-01-02T19:05:00.001+08:00

ROAD TRIP!!!!! To Desaru.
Freaking last minute. Like my mom just told me in the afternoon.
But we're coming back tomorrow la... So... Yeah.

Okay I did a bit of reading of chemistry and like 2 questions (almost).

TIME GO SOON. BYE~

2012

2012-01-01T14:18:00.004+08:00

Oh hello! :)
I spent my New Year moshing with the crowd (a lot of indians) at Clarke Quay with Stella and Kenneth. Kenneth says clubbing is like that. Me no like. :O
But I like the music and dancing part leh, although I'm awkward. Aiyo even my character contradicts myself.

So... My New Year resolutions are

1. To be happier
2. To be nicer/more helpful
3. To study hard for A's and do well
4. To grow some balls
5. To not fall in love... Unless... Unless it's to continue loving Jun Xiang. :\
6. To be more inspired, cause that's how I like to live, it makes me want to look forward and to wake up easier.

Aiya the numbering thing is making me very stressed to fulfill them!!! Some things cannot really be helped cause it's super hard. Like how I want to be less moody. Things that may be up to fate, like how I still want to be together with JX. Some things that may get me judged, but I can't think of anything at the moment.
I wanna be more helpful, cause some part of me believes the end is coming in 2012. There are signs. The thing is, if the world really ends, I don't want my life to be all about studying. I wanna help people, impact people. Then at least my life would have a meaning. Then at least maybe I know, maybe God wanted us to be here to help people, to help each other.
Maybe this will make me happier. Of course studying hard for A's would help me be happier cause I don't wanna leave any regrets. Which is also why I wanna grow some balls. Not literally, duh. But I saw on twitter that a nurse said most people had these regrets on their deathbeds.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win."

From: http://ohdarling.posterous.com/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-o

I was watching a cover on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfxaAKNbtEk&feature=g-all-a&list=PL3515CA4AF6C6D7CD&context=G2192528FAAAAAPAARAA
Enchanted - Taylor Swift
"Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you."

Omg I thought this would be a short and snappy post but NO, Charlene had to talk about many other things. I don't want to suppress my feelings leh. I still love JX.
I am crying cause I miss him so much. It's 37 days but I still want him back. I hope God tells me why I cannot let him go. What is it about him, or us, that makes me hold on? What is the point of loving someone who doesn't love me back? Is this teaching me the true meaning of love?

Love
Noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.sexual passion or desire.

4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

I was telling Nian En the other day, cause I haven't been online on msn in forever and have been meaning to email him, but I never got around to doing it. He told me love is mutual. Deep inside, I know love isn't about loving someone who can love you back. Sometimes it doesn't work that way. Of course, people want that. That is common. But is God telling me that one can love, without being loved in return? Love doesn't need to be shown sometimes, cause if the feeling is there, that's all there is? No actions or words can describe it? I read the meanings, but none of it says "loving someone who loves you back" what. I don't want to spend the first day of 2012 crying, but I couldn't help it.
SIGH. BIG SIGH. I was hoping that I would either get back together, or get over by 2012. I guess nothing has changed. Yet. Maybe soon, when school starts. Or maybe in March. Before my birthday please? I'll be18 this year.
For now, I need to get back to stuff.

Write/homework/dinner at night

New year is supposed to be a happy, good thing though.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY. :D
May this year be full of wonderful joy and fruitful events. Be happy :)

2011-12-26T22:50:00.002+08:00

I feel so sad.
I miss you more than ever today.
Is this "one of those days"?
I just miss you more for no reason?

I know the crying won't make you come back, cause maybe... Nothing will. :(
I'm so sad...
Right now my heart is literally in pain -_-

Christmas Eve 2011

2011-12-24T10:57:00.002+08:00

Merry Chistmas Eve, everybody!

I woke up feeling like any other day, but I am feeling more excited now!!!
The Google page is super cute.
You can click all buttons and then music will play!
Cheap thrills :D

And all people who told me that I can re-contract for free before my 24 months, YOU ARE WRONG!!!!! There's a penalty to pay, so I must wait for another 2 more weeks, until 8/1/2012 to change to iphone 4.
I've decided on 4 because my mom said iphone was too expensive. So even if it's a $80 difference, I still gotta go for the cheaper one right!!!
Anyway I've waited so long, because I thought can re-contract for free, but didn't go get it.
Then when I suggested to use my own money to pay partially, she ignored my message, but at night she asked me to meet her the next day at her workplace!!!!

So ytd I went, but I totally forgot that the m1 at Plaza Singapura was closed already. Moved away. Then we went to Bugis, and they said that they weren't producing iphone 4 anymore! I think they're producing 4s only now?
So only Somerset, Tampines Mall and Parkway Parade has iphone 4 now. I just want the 8GB one omg. :(
Felt shitty ytd and woke up kinda shitty too, when my mom told me there's a $50 penalty.

So yeah, waiting 2 more weeks.
School starts on 9th January.
BUMMER.

Okay gonna watch one more episode of How I met your mother and then get ready to go out to PP to meet Stella after her haircut!! Then eat lunch, and walk around and then Kenneth would meet Stella for the first time later too, before light dinner and then the Christmas party starts at 11 at Bras Besah! :)
Okay getting the Christmas spirit, kinda!

Merry Christmas to you, JX. :)
I love you.

2011-12-23T11:22:00.001+08:00

I had to catch 11.22????

It's 28 days.

Happy birthday JX

2011-12-21T12:28:00.001+08:00

It's your birthday~
Happy birthday ^_^
Hopefully your day will be full of joy and smiles!!!
I love you, still. :)

As for me, I'm trying to be happy by smiling for no reason to myself. At least I'm home alone, so that's okay right?
I don't have anything on today.
I don't have plans for Christmas day itself.
I don't have plans for new year.
All in all, my coming days are kinda grey-scaled. In a blur.

I guess I could try to psyche myself up for homework????
For what though.
If I finish and want to go out, people would be doing their homework right???????
So what for I work so hard now :/
Maybe it's my inner nerd talking, cause I'm damn kanchiong about finishing my homework cause I don't think I have time to revise. Yes, I need revision cause I forgot everything after promos!

I was thinking maybe watching New Year's eve by myself but I have never watched a movie alone before so how do I do that? Buy my ticket online so it wouldn't be as awkward? "Erm... One ticket to new year's eve please"
Why don't I ask someone? WHO?
I think everyone is out today except me LOL. I really wanna watch this movie though. I heard it was nice. :)

Inevitably, the sadness is back for today. Some nights I still cry myself to sleep (yeah wouldn't it be weird to tell people this like "Hey you know I cried myself to sleep last night???? Cool story right?"). I'm WAY better with people now, that's why people say I'm better. I can tell you for sure that I'm better but not healed. I still miss him everyday.

OH COME ON CHARLENE.
I couldn't even tell Yingting that day when I bumped into her and Fayth. She asked whether "Your boyfriend is in the army" but no, and no. 1. Not my boyfriend anymore 2. Not in the army, yet.
I am quite the wreck right? I wanna bawl my eyes out now.
I give myself 5 minutes.
I saw this practice from a very strong woman who got into an accident and got burned. The video was shown to us in the life connection workshop.

I don't know why am I writing all this for the world to see. ANYONE could be reading.
But that's the truth served, straight up. The vulnerability could be attributed to my coming menses. I kinda know I'll still miss you in January, amidst the workload that is going to kill me.

That's all. I'm gonna try to smile and have a good day! :D

2011-12-11T01:10:00.002+08:00

Everyday I think of you, wishing I still could call you mine.
I miss you. Do you miss me too?

I love you. Still.

2011-12-03T17:23:00.003+08:00

Hi Jun Xiang.
I still love you.
I miss you so much :(

I love you, Ong Jun Xiang.

2011-11-25T14:49:00.003+08:00

BE STRONG CHARLENE.
COME ON.
YOU CAN DO THIS.

Currently I'm feeling super shitty, that's normal right?
But I also feel like I will love him regardless of whether he loves me.
I saved a lot of quotes for him and this one reflects the previous sentence I just said.

“To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure,
but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

I feel so empty.
I feel thankful for him in my life.
That only makes me hurt that he's not going to be there the way I want him to be anymore.
I feel sorry for the things I didn't do, or the things I did. Mostly things I didn't do.

I am a whirlwind now.
I am fine, I will lighten up.
But it's not easy. Nobody said it would be.

I gotta be strong.

I love you, Jun Xiang.
I know you won't ever see this. But I love you.
So much.
I'm wishing for a miracle. Maybe one day you'll tell me you want me back.
And I will always want you back.

I don't know who else will read this.
My mother? My brother?

I just want to say that Jun Xiang was the only man I have ever thought about bringing home. I want all my friends to know.
I am so proud of him.

In this sad spirit, I want to also thank all my friends, YOU, WHO ARE READING THIS.
I am thankful.

But I am a quiet lover. I guess.
Maybe I will change that. For the better.
People say, don't change who you are for someone.

You know what?

I want to change for myself.

I will be so disappointed if my spirit to change dies out.
So disappointed in myself. I want to be more vocal about my love.
I know I grew wiser.

I used to not want to say sorry first. Now I'm sincere about saying sorry faster.
Because I know fighting is not worth it.

You've taught me so many things, Jun Xiang.
Maybe even ugly things like: I should not get together with a guy just a month after knowing each other just because I feel soooooooo comfortable with him.
It's the honey moon period.

But now that I am feeling so stubborn, I feel that I didn't make a mistake in saying yes. Because I was scared if I asked you to wait, you wouldn't.
Okay I know I will get judged for being together with you after one month only.
But you are a miracle in my life.
I don't want this miracle to end.

Two people in love shouldn't have to give up.

I feel so... Out of energy.

For now I will be content with loving you.
I've thought about this.
Life goes on. Life's too short to be anything but happy.
So I will try to be happy with just loving you, even though you may have given up on me.

I'm so sorry for being a shit.

I'm so repetitive but my feelings are coming in waves.
Surges.
It will be like this for a long time, I can feel it.

If I ever get over you, I want to remember you as a beautiful person. (ok weird for a guy)
A marvelous person. A wonder. A miracle.
I hope I didn't spoil your image of me when I was acting so mean.

YOU WERE MEAN TOO.

I mean after all that, I still love you.
Maybe I've finally learnt to love.
Maybe not.

Something is telling me to get over you.
But I don't want to.
I want to think of you everyday, all the time, like I always do.
I should think happy thoughts of us together.

But I would feel sad that I can't do things with you anymore.

I wished you gave us a chance, after you A's.
But then what you said was true. I agree we have problems.
But I don't agree that we can't solve them together.

I know, even after your A's, there will still be your army.

I was thinking if we could work out, army won't be so hard. My A's would also work out better.
It's like a quote I've seen before. It's so ironic that the person who made you sad is the only person who can make it right again.

Happiness is important to me.

I need......
To go get food.
Today's lunch, tonight's dinner.

Tomorrow's lunch. Maybe Sunday's lunch and dinner.
I am floating in nothingness.

You are a priority in my life, Jun Xiang. (even though I may or may not be just a choice to you)
I wanted to be with you so much. I didn't go plan things with people cause I wanted to be with you.
I know that sounds very "hoes over bros" but is it wrong that I love you?
Not saying that I will blow my friends off. Not saying I don't want to go out with them.
It would be so cool if my friends were yours, and your friends were mine.
But there are downs to that as well. Like when we separated, everyone is interlinked.

That is real awkward.

I am awkward. But that's just real awkward.
I treat your friends like my friends, btw if you didn't know.
REALLY WHAT. WHO IS YOUR FRIEND IS MY FRIEND!

I realized that's the way with all my friends also leh.

But I'm awkward and don't know them anyway.
So... It doesn't show lor. LOL.

I've had plans.
I wanted to bake for you.
I wanted to give you a box of gifts on the day you ended A's.
I wanted to knit for you.
I wanted to just cuddle the day away with you, watching movies or doing whatever.
I wanted to dance with you.
I wanted to sleep with you throughout the night, and wake up beside you. (you know like literally sleep)
I wanted you to fall asleep on my lap, because you said you wanted that and I realized when you lay on my lap, that I wanted that too.
I wanted to cook with you, for you.

I still want to do those things. But I feel disheartened.

I'm thinking of how Mrs Gay asked us "Are you able to take hard knocks? Will you get up when someone knocks you down?"

Well, the truthful answer is that I can't take hard knocks.
I give up so easily, like I told you.
But I don't want to give up on us, still, like I told you as well.

I know I sound pathetic. But I want to let it all out again and again and again.

I want to be there for you to share your joy when A's end.

I want to be there to console you if you're sad or scared. But from what I see, you're fearless.
You're so strong. You're so brave. You're a perfect gentlemen. You are my knight in shining armor. You are my prince.

I know if I happen to look back on this, and if I happened to get over you, I will think this is so stupid and cliche like how it kept raining today, more than usual.
But I'm saying now, I feel this is anything but stupid.

This means a lot to me. And it's tearing my apart.
As the fucking quote says, (yes just kill me), It's not about what's tearing you apart, it's what holding you together.
For me, now, you're tearing my apart, but you're also holding me together.

I wanted you to be there the first time I clubbed, and I kinda think I won't like it but I will have a good memory of it cause of you. I want you to know my best friend, Stella also.
Just cause. Because there isn't a reason to not.
I'm actually just going back to the point that I want you to know my friends.
I know you want me to know your friends too.

I tried, I went to study with you.
But yup, it was studying, so... Yeah.
I went out with dinner with you guys and watched a movie also!
Okay the movie is like.. No interaction.

Omg I hate myself la :(
I wish I was perfect for you.

I wish I clicked with your friends like I clicked with you.
I wish I wasn't awkward.

Omg my feelings are going round and round.
Like the wheels on a bus LOL.

Ok stop.

Sorry readers, but I will be posting things like this very often because I'm not gonna tweet so much right???? Like how to tweet this whole post?
How? When I'm so naggy?
LOL.

So there will definitely be repetitions.

DEFINITELY.
I just hope I can hold it together if I have to tell anyone.
Please don't think I'm weak. Or maybe I am.
Please don't judge me.
Most of all, please don't laugh at me... I feel pathetic enough.
If anything, laugh with me.

Okay I'm going to buy food for real. After I calm down and don't look like I just cried. And try not to cry again.

I love you, Jun Xiang. So very much.

2011-11-25T07:29:00.001+08:00

I'm really bloody scared now :(
One more hour.....
I asked him what if I cry, he said he'll cry with me. :(
Idk what to do............

2011-11-24T23:09:00.001+08:00

I'm so scared :(
I hope things turn out fine...

I don't know how to believe anymore if this ends :'(

Should I dye my hair this holidays?

2011-11-20T22:09:00.001+08:00

I want to die my hair!!! Reddish brown like last time. And this time have two streaks of red extensions or something. Maybe red highlights all over!

But then I only have about a month before I absolutely have to dye it back, even if I don't have highlights.
NO. In fact I can't even have it for a month cause there's guitar :( oh man. So maybe I will just do extensions, so I can hide if I go guitar?

Have to be able to hide it cause we're gonna do CIP!!! At a children's home I think. Play for them like three pieces.

I just practiced lol. Can't don't practice cause I know nuts about theory and can't sight read for shit.

Gonna start chemistry soon.
Talk about kanchiong. I bet if people know I studying, they will judge me. BUT THEN, since when do people don't judge? I do what I like ok, I don't understand chemistry at all now, and don't wish to be chemistry dog again where I have to mug like dog. Luckily I got from U to B.
Not everyday I can be so lucky hor...

Mid-year i also damn hard but never score -_- U some more.

So anyway I'm being stupid and wanting to buy things that I don't need again.
Watched a lot of makeup tutorials and I wanna get

1) Eyeshadow!!!
2) Nude pink lipstick!

So useless for me cause I personally feel that if I wear in Singapore everyone will judge me. Cause not everyone wear those things ma. I'm not even that old.
I think those things could be handy if I really knew how to apply them though :)

Also I'm back into wanting wedges or flatforms. I talked about that. I saw almost the exact same one that I wanted to buy last time, same price, $36.50.
If my black cheap flatforms wasn't so scary to wear, I'd probably convince myself that they are the same.

Also I'm gonna get

1) Bioré makeup remover wipes
2) Double sided eyelid tape

After my makeup remover finishes and after I finish my last 8 pairs or so of single sided eyelid tape.

But then all the above (except eyelid tape) are not cheap. So... I may not get everything lol.
I still gotta keep in mind the presents I gotta get!

Omg I'm feeling so naggy!
Okay goodnight I'm feeling slightly better after unloading.

2011-11-20T14:36:00.001+08:00

I swaer man.
I'm stuck at home.

I'm so grumpy now I'm complaining so much.
I AM SO SIAN.
I feel so weak and tired. :(

Off day also don't know how to zi dong. :(
Then I must wait for one more week to expect anything.

Omg I feel so sian and sad.

I hate menses.
Like that I rather be a guy cause every month have to deal with this shit and these thoughts. The thoughts are killing me.
Thoughts make you say things.
You can't take back words.
You can't take back time.

I need to chill.

2011-11-20T11:59:00.001+08:00

Wa thanks a lot ah. Now I no place to sit -_-
got nothing to do also.
My mom is using the computer listening to old Chinese songs. I mean that's fine, but I don't have anything to do other than to use the computer :(

Then my dad came home (did I mention that?) so I can't sit at the sofa.

My cramps hurt.

So... I shall just sulk and play tiny tower before getting myself together and watching clicknetwork on my phone!!!
If can. If cannot then life sucks.
Or I can go study chemistry cause I don't understand anything. And practice guitar even though I've been drilling my fingers from Wednesday to friday and was supposed to practice ytd but was too lazy LOL.

Btw just wanted to mention that my mom is a liar cause she said to get me my phone when she saw my results. She saw them last week. Then she didn't stick to her words. When I asked her again she said she must go check whether can re-contract.

HASNT ANYONE BEEN LISTENING TO ME? AM I THAT BORING THAT U DONT WANT TO GIVE ME BASIC RESPECT AND LISTEN TO ME?
Sorry you're not that interesting either. People ALL get boring whether you like it or not. Listen also will kill you? Very rude yknow.
(lol idk this is some random rant in the middle of another rant)

So anyway I have been nagging about the SAME fact that my contract is already 22 months old. I think now it's the 23rd month lor. I already did my research and 20 months can re-contract already. Ok don't quote me on that but I was concentrating on the fact that I can re-contract safely without paying charges.

Oh yeah probably since she wasn't listening to shit, she probably missed out the fact that I can get iPhone rebates cause I have an iPhone. At least $100 off! That's what I think.

But then again I have to be thankful for even owning a phone, even if it's lag as hell.

BUT of course if it were her, she'd probably go change it today. Although she doesn't even reply messages fast, sometimes she doesn't even reply. And in case of an emergency, she doesn't pick up after 10 calls. (tried and tested)

I'm not saying I use it for important stuff, I'm saying at least I use it. Oh, don't worry I WILL use it.

You know what? I'm kinda tired now so I shall stop expecting and just TRY to be thankful.
After all this, although overused, still stands true: Expectations lead to disappointments

The higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment.

Angsty things aside, I read finish the last song and watched the movie last night ^_^

Ok peace out and keep your expectations low! Don't even expect to be happy! Maybe then will I be happy.

2011-11-19T18:09:00.002+08:00

HI.

I just freaking spent the whole afternoon catching up on all the budget barbie episodes that I haven't watched (which is a lot) while watching a bit of Gossip Girl!!

Hahahaha so bo liao right.

But I initially wanted to try baking!!!! My dad is home for a visit though.
So I'll just put off the baking till a later date.

So anyway did I tell you I'm getting an iphone? 4 or 4s!!!!
I decided on 4s cause the 4 will be 3 years old by the time my contract ends. (when I re-contract la you know)

Errrrrrrrrr I super glued my betrayer flatforms HAHAHA.
It spoiled on my first wear!!! I'm too chor lor already.
I tried wearing my wedges and new look heels but they both killed me... :(
I may or may not try wearing them again soon with plasters hahahaha.
I also hope that the super glue is effective.
One thing I learned is that I should bring a sandal out when wearing the above. HAHA.
I was thinking flip flops but I don't think it'd match what I'm wearing with the heels/wedges/flatforms.

So anyway I was thinking of getting another pair. WAIT.
I was thinking of getting something comfortable!!! Hahaha.
I measured my feet and realized that my feet are actually wide for my size!!!!
I never knew.
So anyway that makes my last toe (the tiny one) really uncomfortable when wearing covered/too tight shoes.

AKA THE WEDGES AND HEELS THAT I OWN.

So I decided to get an open toe wedge. Since I have a sandal-like flatform already I shall try wedges hehe. But then again the flatform may not hold up properly...
I mean it might just break again. I'm worried the whole thing will just tear off the next time I wear it :(

I am kinda scared to buy online cause I always get sellers who don't reply promptly one!!!!!! :(
Or at all until I email again :\
Actually I can't even find any nice shoe sprees now.
A lot of very chio covered heels/wedges but I'm not looking for covered shoes!
If not then very expensive!!!
I may not even get one lor. I scared I impulse buy just cause I want one, then I will regret.

Need to save money yknow!
Idk whether I am going overseas a not. Probably not.
Got guitar practice. Idk whether I'm an OGL. If I am, got OGL training.
I still need to go out one ok!!! Final time to relax, to have a real holiday before the preparation for A's.
Which brings me to the fact that I need to study.

Don't wanna work, cause I know it's tiring.

I wanna watch movies, watch shows, LEARN HOW TO BAKE. Hahaha.
I still got Christmas to think about too!!
If I'm not working, idk where the money is going to come from :O

Alright back to watching the last few episodes of budget barbie that I didn't watch.
Maybe another day or later will be dedicated to chick vs dick or Xiaxue's guide to life hahahah I have no life maybe she can teach me LOL.

Good day guys :)

2011-11-16T19:54:00.001+08:00

5 hours of guitar today was no joke!
My fingers still tingle and they were red!!!

I'm almost halfway through The Last Song (book) and probably will watch the movie again after I read finish :D

Gonna watch Our idiot brother now!

Have a good one :)

2011-11-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching playful kiss!!!!
Hahaha it took 3 days! And I went out ytd!!!
Cool.

Luckily I didn't watch it before promos/pw!!!
Anyway there's school tomorrow.
After the submission of i&r tomorrow, it's the end of pw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Okay but I haven't really edited finish lol.
Okay gonna bathe and do i&r!!!!!!

The kniting.... well... Gonna need some patience for something to appear lol!
Okay see ya :D

2011-11-13T00:13:00.001+08:00

TODAY WITH THE ESTILOS WAS FUN!

Lol it was pretty hectic what with the rushing to Laselle to watch Sheryl's performance!!!!

I'm moving really slowly with my knitting hahaha.
I'm on episode 8 of Playful Kiss!
But I was out for the whole day and only got home at 7, so no time for knitting/watching playful kiss/reading/watching movies.

Kinda sleepy now :o
Alright I hope my playful kiss loads now. :)

Goodnight people!!!!!!

2011-11-11T15:55:00.001+08:00

HI I'M STITCHING!!!!!!!
But I dropped the stitch :\
I continued though, cause it's my first time!!!!

I need longer needles to knit a scarf.
I need the circular needles to knit a beanie. (once I've actually learned the basics)
HAHAHA AT YUE PING'S HOUSE I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT LEARNING TO KNIT HAHAHAHA.
Luckily she warned me about the difficulty of knitting a beanie, so at least I didn't go straight to that.

Okay back to knitting :D

Have a nice day!

2011-11-09T17:58:00.000+08:00

OP IS OVER.

Tomorrow is OP day

2011-11-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

Scared!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kept stuttering.
It's like we over-rehearsed.
We got bored.
And tomorrow is the OP, 8-9AM!

I keep getting distracted by talking people.
THEY NEVER FAIL TO TALK WHEN I'M PRESENTING!!!
After awhile I think my mind wasn't strong enough and I couldn't concentrate :\

Alright all the best to anyone out there! :)

2011-11-07T21:47:00.002+08:00

Hello 2 more days to OP and I was quite chill about it until a few seconds ago when I suddenly had a panic attack. You know it just comes. Just like that.
Hopefully I won't take too long to sleep!

It's okay if I don't get to sleep immediately today, but I must sleep within 10 minutes or something tomorrow in order to have a good rest for OP!!!!

Alright, I've got this.

A levels start tomorrow!!
They've got this!!!!!!!! YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!!
Lol siao.
But anyway I need that bit of self-confidence to make things better hahahaha.

I'll be a good girl and wait patiently for A's to end :)
I hope my PMS won't be a slut this month. Especially this month where it's so crucial for you.
I don't want to bother you, I just want to be there for you if you need me. And I hope you need me!! I need you, but I need to be mature about things you know????
Hahahah like how I shouldn't be a pain in the butt and always bugging you LOL.
Not that that's a problem... Right?

We are strong!!!!!!!!
POSITIVITY.
I WELCOMED 2011 WITH POSITIVITY.
It's November.
Let positivity rain on all of us :)

Goodnight guys and rest well!

2011-11-05T20:49:00.002+08:00

It's so painful :(
I don't want to have constipation and then diarrhea anymore :'(

Anyway today was a PW day, as usual.
Tomorrow isn't though hehehehe.
And then Monday may or may not be a PW day. It's a public holiday!
Then Tuesday we gotta meet Mr Ng one last time.
Then Wednesday is the day. OP day.

So anyway, I'm hoping everything comes out later, cause if not my stomach will continue to be a pain.
I'm gonna watch either a movie or two eps of gossip girl?
I have yet to start on... Playful kiss.
Which I will probably be addicted to, so I didn't start yet HAHAHA.
I haven't watched GG for a few days and it feels fine. Not the same for Korean Dramas LOL.

Goodnight folks :)
Might edit this post!

Hey~~~~
Limitless was not that engaging but then not bad la hor!
His eyes are such a nice shade of blue :O
A bit confusing at times but maybe it's cause I'm tired.
Anyway some parts were kinda too gore for me. AT TIMES I WAS TOO... SCARED TO WATCH LOL. Intense moments in there as well.

Goodnight, going out tomorrow to shop LOL.
Gotta recite my script every few hours tomorrow.
I can do without my cue cards already!!!
But I will write the final ones tomorrow just in case :)

Ciao!!!

2011-11-04T23:32:00.001+08:00

Hey~

I just watched What's your number online LOL.
Nice show :)

So anyway he changed my script again today, what's new?
But idk, I'm was fuming just now but I'm in a better mood today~
I met him! Hehe. So long never see him!!!

So anyway guys, be strong. :)

2011-11-03T20:19:00.003+08:00

Today I cried in school.

So tired!!!
When the teacher asked us what we aimed to get, I said A, to seem more confident. But in my heart I just wanted a B.
After today, I think I will be happy with a C.
I know that's not the way to go, and idk whether a C will get me to any universities.

Then the teacher still had the cheek to say I shouldn't say I want to get A, I should say I want to do my best.
That was cause I was crying. -_-
Do they even know that I'm trying my best? No right?
So it's even more saddening that my best still fetches me an AE. From two separate teachers. One taught pw a few years back and one was a debater but is now a PE teacher. My pe teacher.

Anyway she still had to ask about my family background while I was crying. -_-
The thing about me is that when I'm crying, it's better to leave me alone cause if not I will cry even more/even harder.
She asked me whether my mom would be home and I said no. She asked me why and I said she was working. She asked about the working hours, then since I told her yesterday that my dad is always overseas mostly, she had to mention that as well.
I cried quite badly, cause I think it was all the stress and sadness that accumulated.
I admit I tried to cry it out that day after my teacher asked us to change a lot of things one day before the dry run, but couldn't really cry it all out. I think it all came out today.
Or maybe it's cause my menses is coming? But I have one more week or more -_-

Oh yeah, even the Chinese exam (compo) was about a broken family.
Nice one. I remember there was once in sec 3, where the teacher HAD to pick me to read the passage on a family without a father.
Fuck you all.

It's so fucking shitty that even after so much work I've put in, I seem like the one that doesn't understand the project. I reallllllly cannot wait for PW to be over.

So anyway after that we left I went straight home to sleep for 3 hours and it felt like the best sleep I've had in a long while o_o

When will life stop sucking so much?
I feel shitty.
I feel alone.

I almost feel like I can't make it, but I have to.

2011-11-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

Hi!
I made it through with today!

I striked through my to-do list. Until there's one more thing left to do.
Which is memorizing and practicing OP slides...
Sian.

1. OP dry run
2. OGL interview

Although these are the two main things that happened today, there's really a lot to talk about :O
I repeated the OGL interview thing idk how many times!!!! Hahahahaha.
So anyway I will practice some responsibility and not talk about the two things HAHAHA.

I am itching like mad cause I had a mozzie attack :(
So many mozzie bites on my HAND (hello???) and legs, especially my thighs.

I couldn't finish my food for both meals today. Ate at Ajisen with Jiaqian just now for dinner some more.
Sucks.
Jiaqian says maybe its cause I'm too stressed.
Maybe. I have a GAZILLION pimples now. So sad.
Must keep on hairbanding up my fringe cause of OP.

ALRIGHT I ASKED MY MOM IF I COULD GET IPHONE 4S.
As usual she conveniently ignored me.
Cause I sent another message previously. She just replied to that message.
Nice!

It has been 22 months since I renewed my contract!
Okay idk, but it will be 24 months (2 years) in January.

OK LOL IN THE END I STILL SO NAGGY.
Gonna go practice OP even though I feel so tired...

This whole week I had to go back to school for OP -_-
Tmr, 9 with Mrs Gay. (she's helping my group for our OP)
Friday, 9 with Mr Ng.

Nice.
K bye guyz I hope you all are seeing some light in the darkness!!!!!

2011-11-01T20:13:00.002+08:00

I hate pw.
I really hate pw.

There's nothing good in life right now.

PW Dry run tomorrow.
My pw teacher changed A LOT of things today. It ended at 4+.
We need to re-memorise our scripts (Shiqi and I).

Our scripts don't add up to 10 minutes (5 minutes per person).

I have no dinner.

MY THROAT IS BURNING.
From reciting the script (THAT WAS CHANGED) too many times.

I have OGL interview tomorrow.
I need to do a lot of things by tomorrow.
Which also means after tomorrow, I have a load off my shoulders.

But I am so scared that I can't make it through tomorrow.
Have to memorize everything, heal my throat, do well for interview, and not fuck up.

I have to start now. :(

P/s: I feel so alone

My bro went out and my mom is going to JB now after working morning shift :(
Alone. In more than one way.

2011-10-29T18:53:00.002+08:00

Oh hey!

PW slaughtered me. But at least now the WR is done and over with.
Left with OP! Which is Oral Presentation.
And I always speak too fast and soft (apparently).

I felt like I was shouting!!!

1. Louder
2. Better posture cause I was really slouching and that's how I am although I've been trying to change it
3. Better phrasing. (I cut up the sentences so that it would help me speak slower but I guess I cut them up too much!!!)
4. Memorize!
5. Emphasize certain words

The hand gestures can come in after I memorize!

And Chinese A Level paper is on Monday!
Once I'm done with that 3 hour paper (with a 15 minutes interlude), I am done with Chinese!!!!!!!!!

Okay I just watched The Change Up, and I realize we only appreciate what we have/do until we don't have it. I mean in the movie it's temporary, but in real life, after life is death!
So there's really only one life, so we gotta cherish it.
I mean yes, life sucks sometimes, but then life rocks sometimes too right? :)

Okay for now it sucks cause I'm gonna have to study for Chinese and practice Chinese.
The whole week was shit, cause we were chionging PW.
I swear, it was worse than promos for me. Cause for promos I HAD SLEEP.
PW left me with at most 6 hours of sleep.
AT MOST. I had 4 hours the night before PW submission. And the day before PW submission, we were working on it from 1130 to 9+.
Omg seriously guys.
Only an hour lunch break from 2-3.

COME ON.

That's insane.

But I'm glad that shit's over :)

Time to bathe and get dinner before going back to studying Chinese and practicing PW.
I hope I have time for an ep of Gossip Girl :)

2011-10-25T16:21:00.001+08:00

PW is shit, as usual.

2011-10-23T11:54:00.001+08:00

I'm happy when things are right again :)
I'm still guilty though.

2011-10-22T19:58:00.001+08:00

I gotta get my shit together man.
I smell you. But it's just my neighbor smoking. I miss you so much but I am so scared cause idk whether you miss me too.
I couldn't help but to check who it was smoking outside :/

I hate how I overthink.

I wish I got my act together earlier so I didn't have to make you sad. But at least now I know I need to improve.

COME ON WE CAN DO THIS.

2011-10-21T19:45:00.001+08:00

I fucked up.

2011-10-21T10:07:00.001+08:00

Hi I skipped school today.
Still feeling shitty.

My pw teacher said he hoped we would at least get a B.
Actually if I get a B I'd be happy.

Chinese is a fucking bore but I can't give up. Even though I don't understand the ke ben stories :(
I can't concentrate in lessons...
Miraculously I'm alert (with sufficient sleep) in exams. So that's good.
But it's worrying cause it's ten days to A level mother tongue exams.

And next week I'm getting back my results. Next monday we have an OP dry run for pw.

About two more weeks to the actual OP presentation.

And after OP and mother tongue is done, we still have to go back to school for lessons cause there's no time. Two weeks of extra lessons. Sigh!

Feeling slightly less shitty after vomiting all that info out. :)

Now, breakfast and then work again. A movie too, perhaps. :D

Overall, a good day turned shitty.

2011-10-20T20:59:00.002+08:00

Well it was alright in the morning and then I saw things I didn't want to see and got told things I didn't want to hear.

On any other normal days, this would probably be something trivial but today it felt huge.
It's actually nothing and this feeling will blow off, I hope.

But the negatives outweigh the positives and that's worrying.

P/s: I need to learn how to use the flash for Holga cause my group pictures aren't coming out!! I only got 24/36 pictures. Super depressing!!! I shall keep to sunlight pictures only for the rest of the Sensia roll cause I don't wanna waste my 10 bucks and developing fee!!!!!!!! And also the bluish effect will be redundant with the color flash.

2011-10-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

Oh hey, what's up, I've been doing PW again, WHAT'S FUCKING NEW???
HAHAHA.

Just a quick update cause I really need to sleep.
I need a deep long sleep.
So anyway I got back my Chinese promos results and I was really pleased with myself.
I was quite ~meh~ about the paper. Not easy but not hard, yknow?
So anyway let's cut to the chase cause I wanna sleep HAHAHA.

I got B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeay. :)
If only I deliver during A's, which is on freaking 31 October.
And Oral Presentation is the fucking following week.
I need to remind you that both are A Level subjects -_-

I feel so fucked up about PW that I usually forget it's an A level subject and I am all "Fuck that".
NO IT'S AN A LEVEL SUBJECT HOW CAN I FUCK THAT.

Peace out bye.

2011-10-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hehe time for some sleep :)

PW was.... Long.
But somehow I found today's session more productive though I think I'm seriously lacking in sleep.

Goodnight ;)

2011-10-17T16:42:00.002+08:00

Guilt

2011-10-17T00:22:00.002+08:00

WoW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was uploading my video and then at 95% it hung.

N
I
C
E

And now I need to go to sleep cause I have to be at school tomorrow.
I don't want to pretend to listen at PW cause I want to be able to contribute.........

Life sucks :(
I can't edit the video cause Windows Movie Maker keeps crashing, so I took 6 hours and it still isn't uploaded.
Round of applause please.

Goodnight I hope tomorrow will be better.

2011-10-16T22:21:00.002+08:00

Hi!

I just watched Sucker Punch and it was okay, although my brother said it was a waste of 2 hours in the cinema.
The main lead is freaking pretty!! Emily Brownings as Babydoll in the show.
I googled her pictures (not creepy at all) and I find that she looks the best in the show! Blonde, center parting and really young looking.
When I googled her name and looked at Wikipedia, her picture was so appalling to me. So old looking!!!!

But she is pretty nonetheless.
I don't sound lesbian right. HAHAHA.

Gonna have to go back to school tomorrow and that sucks.
Chinese and PW till 3. And I have to go 'help' with the seniors' farewell presents.
I don't see how I can help BUT alright I guess I could if I don't die being awkward there.
Lol I don't think I am fit to be SL, as some people believe.
Cause I don't have music background :\

Unlike other people.

I should try my best still, right? Hehe.
I hope Charissa will help me LOL. Although I think she can handle the section on he own cause she's good.
I can't tell people to do things for nuts. COME ON.

HAHA. I hope things work out for me. :)

2011-10-16T00:24:00.002+08:00

HI!!!

Spent my day with Stella even though I thought I'd spend the whole day watching movies.
I told the 3 PW mates that were handling the proposals to ask Shiqi and I if they needed help but since they didn't even reply, I guess they're ok????
Shiqi and I are in charge of the model context which is not as big a part, but still essential in bringing out the lessons learned right? :)
And the way we presented out information is really fragmented so... Idk how to fix that.
We chiong do then yesterday and today lepak :)

Anyway I'm gonna watch movies soon, after I finish this post!

I bought a cheap top today, I wanted to buy for JX but then in the end I found that it was only slightly too big for me, really comfy and actually really nice!!! HAHAHA.
So I'm keeping it until further notice LOL. Idk whether he can even fit and...... It's v-neck LOL.
Not all guys wear v necks right.
I wonder if he even knows I have a blog LOL.
Or if I even update it.

So anyway today I was lazing in bed till 12+PM cause I went to bed at like 330am.
And Stella texted, so we kinda had a impromptu meeting!!! :D
LOVE IT. So anyway I told her "I still lying on my bed until further notice" LOLOLOLOL.

We decided to take the circle line to wherever.
We stopped at Caldecott, but realized it's really not much so we went to Botanic Gardens :)
Took pictures, then went to Holland Village :D

Fun day!!!
There was a camera shop there and the guy was really friendly and nice and told us a lot of things and answered a lot of our questions!!!
I happened to be holding my camera in my hand and he asked "Is that a Vivitar?"
LOL. So he asked if he could look at it. HAHAHA.
I got it at about $25 or something (damn cheap) thanks to Qianjing!!!! HEHEHEH :)

So anyway I found out that for my cameras (Vivitar and Holga 135BC), ISO 400 is preferred!!
100 and 200 are okay, but there needs to be sufficient light a.k.a sunny. Which means hot as hell LOL. Okay, and he said that the higher the ISO, the darker it can take pictures in? I think I somehow know this cause I experimented with my Canon camera but I always forget...
What's aperture then...? LOL. Is it the 'lens size'??? LOL. Like how wide the lens is so that the amount of light let in is different? Idk what la lol.

So anyway I got a Sensia 100 slide film!! Excited about this.
The reason why I wanted to try film photography is to achieve that blue-ish effect! This is exactly it!
Even my lomo film wasn't that satisfactory.
I think with sufficient light, this would look amazing :D
But it's $10 per roll and cross-processing would be a bitch, I think.
I think the best would be to go Ruby at Penin? But he said that there's only one place that does cross-processing and that's Photolab. Which is at T1/Tampines Mall!!! LOL.
Idk about price though. I think Ruby is cheaper but I haven't tried there before.

He also told us that flash doesn't work for far away objects. Kinda common sense now that I think of it, but I didn't think of it. LOL.
So it's like for closer subjects.

I also got a... Idk what name, but it's ISO 400 and it emphasizes on warm colors, like red, orange and yellow.
I'd like to see that :)
$4.50 if I'm not wrong. And that's a normal negative film, so it wouldn't be that expensive right?
HAHAHA. Sorry I'm not that rich lol so I'm concerned about spending so much on film when I also have a digital.

I bet the slide film would be fabulous though.

Also, I think people may or may not judge me, but I like to take more of people pictures than scenery :$
I mean if I go to the Botanic Gardens, of course must take scenery picture la!
But the thing is, when I upload pictures on facebook, people would get bored looking at the same scenery pictures for awhile right? Idk...
So for me, it can't be all scenery pictures lol.
BEST IS PEOPLE + GOOD SCENERY!!! HAHAHAH.

And I don't go to places like the Botanic Gardens or Esplanade everyday LOL.
We went to the Esplanade at night btw hahaha.
Alright that's all I'm kinda worried about spending so much but still excited hahahah.
I also don't know if the two pictures with flash just now were okay :O

AND I FINISHED MY KODAK FILM JUST NOW. LEFT WITH LIKE, 4? LOL.
I fused a few though hahaha.

OK NAGGY BITCH WILL SAY BYE NOW, GOODNIGHT FELLAZ. :)

2011-10-15T00:48:00.001+08:00

Aiya fuck off it's always the same

2011-10-13T20:21:00.002+08:00

Oh hey!!!

I forgot to say it's the end of promos :)
But pw is killing me. I hoped to be more alert and creative, getting the work done faster but noooooooo.
Emotionally, mentally and physically drained.

But yesterday was somehow good hehehehe.

2011-10-09T18:17:00.001+08:00

Hi I feel so xinku cause I can't sit my ass down and study for more than an hour since yesterday :(

Chinese papers tomorrow and then final physics h1 paper on Tuesday before I'm done with promos! :)

Urgh my body is in pain and I am having a headache :(

PULL THROUGH!!!!!

2011-10-06T00:03:00.002+08:00

Hi I'm hungry.
I need to study chemistry.
Thank God there's no exams tomorrow and the Chemistry paper is on Friday :)

6 more days to end of promos!
I'm left with

1. H2 Chem
2. H1 Chinese
3. H1 Physics.

LEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ GO.
Press on bitches :)
And for those whose exams are over, PARTY ON. Hahahaha.
Before it comes to working like a dog for PW.

2011-10-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

Oh hello!!!!

Tomorrow is the start of promos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FRRRRRREAAAAAAAAAAAAKIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG OUTTTTTTTTTT.
So, rather than doing nothing, I will continue on revising GP.

Positive thought: It's 9 days till the end of promos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After which I must chiong PW (yes this is a sad reminder)
BUT WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
At least after that promos is done and over with.

Until then...
Good luck to all! :D

2011-09-28T22:03:00.004+08:00

Omg seriously.

Get a clue. :(
I don't know how anyone can be so insensitive...
And honestly it doesn't really bother me cause even if I know such people, they don't really matter that much. But you do. And it's just eating my from inside :(

I take it that I'm feeling too stressed out ok.
But I want that someone to be able to console me (or at least try) and know when I'm sad...
Cause apparently you don't...
It's either you don't really have time for this or you really don't know.

And sadly, either way is killing me.

And I thought I was obvious.

Add: Or maybe you just don't know me. And that's something that kills me also. Idk how many times I get killed. HOW MANY TIMES CAN I DIE?

2011-09-24T16:24:00.001+08:00

So... Is it worth hurting when the other person doesn't even seem to give a shit?

2011-09-24T10:43:00.001+08:00

Wow I woke up with super swollen eyes BUT it's okay cause it's a new day. :D

I appreciate my friends.......
But idk maybe I should show it more........

Nonetheless, I'm scared of the unseen future.
And once I'm over this phase, I'm afraid for the next.

I should learn to grow up.
But most of all I hope to stop being so moody :(
How do I do that?

2011-09-23T23:48:00.003+08:00

Hi today is one of those days I feel like committing suicide and running away from all my problems.
The scariest thing is that I mean it.
I am ugly, stupid, bimbotic, selfish, disgusting and fake.
So much more.

I am not just ugly on the outside, I'm ugly on the inside.

I don't have anybody and nobody likes me.
I don't like myself.
In fact, I hate myself.

Why am I even born. It's so cliche right all the things I'm saying?
But it's true.

I'm crying but then what's new. Cause I'm so weak.
I am a horrible PW leader and because I'm not making anything better I am going to get blamed. I want to just go to the top floor of my block and just "take a leap of faith".
Faith that whatever comes get me after death will be better.

I am a horrible person.
I am so boring. I get bored of myself.
People get bored of me.
I don't know how to communicate. Things have changed.
I am not myself. I don't know everything. I am mediocre.
I am lousy. I am a failure. Nobody is here to comfort me but myself. I am lonely, not alone. Cause there's a difference.

BUT THEN AGAIN.
Life's too short to be sad right?
Fuck that. I'm so sad so frequently.
I was so happy a few days back, I thought nothing could shake me. But no.
I believed that something bad was gonna happen cause I've noticed since I was young.
Every time a good thing happens, a bad thing is going to happen.

And vice versa.

At this current point of time I feel useless. I feel like everything I've ever worked for is nothing.
I feel like nothing is going right.
I feel like when there is hyper inflation (lol sorry but this hit me in econs lecture) and his lifetime of savings can only buy the guy two loaves of bread.

I feel like that.

What is this all for?
What means to me?
What I thought was important may just be the least important worry.

And last of all.
When will the negative voices in my head shut the fuck up?

P/s: I feel as though my body is going to rip apart cause I am trying so desperately to be positive in this negative point of time.

I think it's PMS. Or maybe I have chronic depression. But people with depression don't know they're depressed right? It's kinda scary cause I frequently feel this way.
You think I should get medication to stop this? It's not funny.

2011-09-15T18:21:00.003+08:00

Hello.

Today is the first day that I didn't attend school for the whole year!!!!!!
I had slight fever yesterday and my flu was killing me. Up till now I have blocked ears cause of my flu. I hope it goes away soon cause it's so damn uncomfortable :(

Anyway I didn't go to the doctor. I took medicine from last time :)
HAHAHA. Okay that's all.
I need to do some hardcore catching up tomorrow.

But for now, it's more studying :'(

I'm so afraid of not being able to finish studying (who isn't!!!!).
I'm so afraid of not being prepared (but this always happens to me and I'm never feeling completely prepared anyway).

So....
Good luck yo.
I hope they stop teaching soon so I can study more. And not worry so much about not learning when I have so many things to revise cause I didn't learn them properly :(

HAVE A NICE NIGHT :D

It's Friday

2011-09-09T11:21:00.003+08:00

Hello!!!

Damn it, one week of holidays passed so fast. Typical sentence right?
BUT IT'S TRUE. :(
I spent every. Single. Day. Studying. My. Ass. Off.

Nice?

Okay except for Friday and Saturday which I spent working. (tiring as heck, I tell you) Oh btw it's 24 days to promos. 32 days to the end of promos.

My agenda for today:
1. GP ESSAYS URGH. I did the outline without research on Wednesday and felt sian. I need to email the teacher both essays by today...
2. Econs, DEMAND AND SUPPLY which I kinda forgot, and market structures. (read the notes she gave, cause I always chuck them aside)
3. Math, transformation graphs and functions........... (which I forgot about as well. This sucks.)

OKAY BYE.
W8, before that.

I shall show you what I bought online this past week ^_^

Navy highwaist, for $28.50, from a Korean spree :D
I hope it fits like a dream and actually looks highwaist!
Cause I got comments that my highwaist shorts don't look highwaist. Is it cause those are single-buttoned shorts or is it cause.... I'm short? :'( OR IS IT CAUSE THEY NOOB????? MUAHAHAHAHAHA OF COURSE THEY NOOB. >:)

I just got this last night, even though I've been looking at it since I got the highwaist shorts!
On twitter, this won all votes LOL. Which is like, 3 -_-?
Then I asked QJ, Stella and JX.
In the end I got it last night hehehehehe. I love it, even though it may seem plain.
I just hope it looks the same or better IRL! :)
It's 8cm, so I'll be 165cm after I wear them.
...............................
Which is still shorter than QJ, Stella and JX. Nice.
But IF I DIDN'T REMEMBER WRONGLY I WOULD BE TALLER THAN JIAQIAN?????
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay big deal.
Actually not big deal. I'm always the shortest or second shortest.....
You know the power of being tall???????

I was out with Stella for the past two days and we talked about being air stewardesses!
I have height restrictions, so I can't. BUT SHE CAN! :D
I think she'd be a good one. The taller the better right???
Unless you're too tall and hit the ceiling of the cabin -_-

Ok bye.
Have a gr8 day guyz. 8)

Holidays are no holidays when you're in JC

2011-09-06T10:19:00.001+08:00

HELLO.

I AM DETERMINED TO NOT BE A BITCH TODAY!!!!!!! :D

I hope nobody ruins it for me!

In other news,
Plans for today:

1. Eom (start at 10.30)
2. Math integration tutorial after I read through
3. Chemistry worksheet on alkenes (MOTHA-FUCKING HARD LEH CCB)
4. GP Essay

2011-09-04T12:08:00.001+08:00

Hello, life is hectic.

I gotta prioritize and also have enough rest!! My promos is in 20 plus days and I should shoot myself cause I don't even know how many days exactly.
Maybe cause I like to escape from the truth.

But then again I think too much. So it's sometimes better to not know the whole truth. :\
Gotta go count the days and start on my study plan!

Good day, yall :)

2011-08-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

Hey.

I don't know why sad days are so frequent nowadays.
Yknow when it's "one of those days"?
Except it's happening so damn often?!

I think I may have depression.
But then again, people who have depression don't know they have depression, right? :o

OH WELL.

I need to go do my EoM now.
Ciao :)

Skies are crying

2011-08-20T15:25:00.002+08:00

Hey, it's the weekends :D

It was super random to suddenly go for dinner with Huiyi last night!
Talked a lot of crap since we haven't talked for a pretty damn long time.
Took the last bus home and I realized that whenever I take last buses from Changi Airport, the person sitting next to me would smell like smoke! Idk why :O
It smells like him :3

I'm supposed to be doing my EoM but since I'm kinda tired, I shall blog first hehe.

I'm gonna watch last night's episode of..... The 9 oclock show (LOL I REALIZED IDK WHAT'S THE NAME HAHAHAH) and episode 15 with English subs of You've fallen for me after doing my EoM.
Something to look forward to always spurs me on :D

But then after that I must do my physics worksheet and try to make sense of the new red physics lecture notes.
At least I have that plan for today!

Good day mates HAHAHA. ;)

2011-08-19T15:04:00.000+08:00

Oh my!!!
It's nearing the last episode (cause I watched until episode 14) !!!!
Exciting!

Anyway, T.G.I.F! :D

I just ate, and I'm deciding whether to nap or to just study...

I wanna go out but the only thing I can do is to renew my Popular card. :O
LOL. NO LIFE RIGHT. Of course, I can go out to study also lol.

Alright that's all.
Have a good weekend :D

2011-08-17T21:38:00.001+08:00

What's up yo? Idk why I feel like it's the end of the week already!!!!
Hahaha.
I felt such a sigh of relief when SPA was over today! We did it before and the questions were similar. :)

Guitar was somehow fun!
Quite rare. Even though I don't know how to sight read efficiently.
Next week's the last practice before promos!

Goodnight :D

2011-08-14T18:40:00.002+08:00

Hi I'm feeling extremely stressed up today :'(

But yesterday was pretty fun, studying out. :)

I may not do my homework, cause it's a smarter choice to study for my CA2 papers and this Wednesday's A Level SPA right?
And.... The anal teacher hasn't returned Jiaqian and I our essays which we wrote in our book. Other people wrote on foolscap paper.

LIKE THAT NIA, VERY HARD TO GIVE BACK MEH.
I not forcing her to mark leh, can just give me back my book???? T_T
Cause now we must do all our work on foolscap and I guess that's fine, UNTIL IT PILES UP AND IS EVERYWHERE.

Anyway that isn't why she's anal.
She doesn't really mark our work but..... Forces us to do our homework.
Very motivating.
You lazy why we cannot lazy.
Still dare to call students selfish...

If I ever become a teacher, I don't wish to be like her ^_^

ANYWAY I'M GOING TO EAT AND CONTINUE STUDYING.
GOOD LUCK FOR EVERYTHING YALL :D

2011-08-10T16:33:00.002+08:00

Hi I'm a piece of dead shit cause I have to CA2 papers tomorrow: H2 Econs and H1 Physics.

AND I'M NOT STUDYING.
I HAVEN'T STUDIED TODAY.
I read the newspapers for an hour...

I took a lousy ass nap cause there's drilling from the carpark AND SERIOUSLY WHEN ARE THEY OFFICIALLY OPENING SOMEONE PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.
Now I think back, I had to go through much worse drilling during O's last year.
HMPH.

Okay there are better things to come :)

THERE IS.

In other news, I have been feeling nauseous since yesterday night.
And a few times in the past week.
And today I'm extremely sensitive to smells and my house is full of horrible smells making me nauseous.
My brother spilled milk all over the fridge cause he didn't close the cap properly and it leaked all over the shelf and out of the fridge.
Then he cleaned up the mess. He mopped the floor.
BUT THAT ONLY SPREAD THE MILK ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND NOW THE WHOLE KITCHEN FLOOR IS.... YUCKY. Like, oily but not quite. Idk how to explain it.
I can see foot prints on the floor.
Pretty gross.
The smell is horrendous. I can smell it while I watch TV, and that is the place where I study too.
So.... Studies disrupted.

Okay that's an excuse BUT it is also a reason okay!!!

I woke up and kept sneezing.
I am convinced I am sick.
But usually I'm not sick enough to go to the doctors. Seriously.
I only go to the doctor when I have a fever or when I'm vomiting.
Or that time when I had really had a horrible cough in sec 1.
And Mr T still forced me to go to basketball training.
I was sick and tired of running and coughing and running only makes cough worse (really) so I switched to Choir.
SO THERE. Anyway basketball was kinda boring to me cause I felt I couldn't connect to anyone there.
It's a bit like now in Guitar... So is this a hint?
KIDDING. I'm an SL now (did I mention?) so I have to step my game up and learn to sight read much better than that.....
I need to learn and teach people.
And I get to use the school's guitar.
And I have to sit in the front row.

The scariest thing is sight reading, really. Cause if I can sight read I don't think sitting in the front row is an issue.
And I always get headaches in guitar I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY.
Thinking about it gives me a headache.

I think there's something wrong with me.

I also think the cause of my death will be an illness or a cancer.

Time to study.
See you guys around~

2011-08-07T14:56:00.001+08:00

Hello.

I don't feel like doing anything other than watch You've fallen for me.
IN OTHER WORDS, I DON'T WANT TO DO EOM.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2011-08-05T15:43:00.001+08:00

Hello!

I have decided to buy normal 200 films from Whitesands hahahaha.
Cheaper than lomo. Somehow my lomo just doesn't show LOL.
And if I wanna use my flash, then the colours aren't obvious anymore so I might as well use the normal one right? :D

Okay see you!!!

I love ending school so early on Fridays.

Hehehe.

Gonna upload my third roll of film on Facebook before catching up on 2 weeks of drama HAHAHAHA. Probably gonna take my time though.
And do my frikin EoM.
And study for Math, Physics and Econs CA2.
All of which are next week. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

In other news, I have a lot of holidays cause of National Day :)

Have a good weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-07-31T18:08:00.002+08:00

How?

To The Q

2011-07-30T20:02:00.001+08:00

WHAT IS UP QIANJING
LIL Q
I LOVE YOU,
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D

2011-07-29T23:45:00.001+08:00

Fuck my pathetic life.

2011-07-27T20:10:00.001+08:00

I've finished Dream High!!!!

Okay I don't really like the ending cause it's pretty abrupt.
I have that bitter-sweet feeling when I finish watching dramas now!!!

Okay I screwed up my Chemistry trial SPA today and felt extremely sad :(

The teacher asked me whether I wanted to retake on Friday.
Then I said no.
He asked again and I said no.
Then for the third time hhe asked again, and added that there are a few people from my class retaking.
Then I reconsidered and said okay.

LOL.

But still I felt pretty darn shitty.

Idk whether I should go. I end school at 1 on Friday.
No guitar tee hee :)
Then the make-up SPA is at 230.

If I'm going for the SPA then I might as well go for the GP extra thing which helps to develop GP essay outlines. I know idk examples + points to write for GP essays so....
It may really help. Since I have faith in the teacher for now......
Although it's stressful during the lessons' discussions.
And her expectations are quite high.

OK BYE GONNA GO NOW.
Ciao :D

P/s: YEAY MY TOMS ARRIVED IN SINGAPORE YESTERDAY. FINALLY! About 4 weeks and 2 days. :) Okay anyway, I think I will be able to wear it by tomorrow and not get judged.
I got plain black though cause many people have the navy ones... I wanted the grommet ones but I was scared that they may fall off. Then I was afraid the glitter ones would attract unwanted attention/fall off also LOL. Anyway it's easier to match with black shoes right???

Right....?

RIGHT. :D

2011-07-26T20:02:00.002+08:00

HEHEHEHE I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO FOR TOMORROW!

I just watched episode 15 of dream high, leaving the last episode for tomorrow after guitar :D
Alright I had Chemistry STAR program on Monday.
It was on Redox.
Pretty productive! I got a good teacher who may seem scary (she really need to lepak) when she is explaining things but she encourages us instead of putting us down!

Anyway idk whether I wanna change the Chem STAR to Thursday, where the people from my class will be having their Chem STAR. Cause some of them have Physics STAR for Monday.
Aiya idk how I topped the class la. I only know I got the whole of question 2 correct so that pulled me up. If you give me that question again I can't guarantee I can get it right.

TYCO ONE!!!!! :\
My kinematics and forces and measurements actually quite weak one leh.
Really tyco.

ANYWAY THESE TWO DAYS HAVE BEEN DAMN TIRING.

I slept at friking 10+ yesterday!!! Then at first I was really attentive during lessons.
Then I couldn't maintain.

I did my 2.4 today!!!
I outdid myself!!! *proud of self*
I clocked 14.39!! It's a B!!! I mean usually in secondary school I wouldn't even bother to go train for 2.4.......
I'm kinda changed huh??????
Hopefully I won't eat my words.

In secondary school I usually ran 16 minutes plus or fastest is 15 minutes plus.

So anyway Fridays there are no guitar practices already since promos are coming up pretty shitty soon. Like 11 weeks?
So only practices on wednesdays but then it's from 230 -630 man no shit.
Who can play guitar for 4 hours you tell me??? Okay if they give us 2 breaks, each 10 minutes, it would be 3 hours and 40 minutes.
NO SHIT!!!!!

Okay maybe they may release us earlier/start later. Who knows :D

But then we need to practice if we are going to perform Christmas Carols for CIP this Christmas. :)

ANYWAY. I need to do work now now now now now.

GP homework
Econs Case Study
Chemistry worksheet (try a few firrst)
Chemistry look through SPA worksheets because tomorrow is the trial already.

I CANNOT DO PROPER SCALES FOR GRAPHS :'(
And I always do my experiments very slowly.
And often, I get bad results/do wrong. -_-

I will damn kanchiong and scared I break something BUT NO TIME.

Then the calculations also. Not as if I know how to...
Need to memorize the formulas.

OKAY BYE FOR REAL.
LONGEST POST IN A WHILE EH.

BYE GOODNIGHT. :>

2011-07-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
THE.
SUSPENSE.

*CONTROLS SELF AND DOES MY HOMEWORK/STUDYING INSTEAD*
BYE

2011-07-22T21:26:00.000+08:00

If it's not working then find a new way.

2011-07-18T22:29:00.002+08:00

Hi!!!

I'm using what little time I have left until I head to bed watching YouTube videos! :D
I love it man.
I'm seeing how they become better, how their video qualities get better and how they get more confident somehow~

Okay one thing that happened today is that when we were on our first round of 2.4km, it started raining like no tomorrow.
Luckily we weren't on our fifth lap or something!!!!!!!!

So anyway, I'm currently watching two dramas at a time (did I mention this before???).
Dream high and You've Fallen For Me.
HAHAHA.
I love love love the characters from Dream High!! So good looking.
That's me being superficial.
BUT THEIR CHARACTERS IN THE SHOW IS DAMN CUTE.
That's me swooning like a fan girl.

I also swoon over the girls' actions leh.
So cute, cannot tahan!

So anyway.
I'm off to bed.
Goodnight yall and have a good week ahead :D

P/s: I think I will watch one or two episodes per day until I finish Dream High. You've Fallen For Me is releasing 2 episodes per week so I shall moderate that one!

2011-07-16T16:57:00.003+08:00

Well hello!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha.
Last night was fun, we celebrated Cindy's and Jiakang's birthday! :)
And Fitri's father sent Jiakang and I home, thank you! :D

I watched HP7 yesterday, and after it ended, I felt kinda sad that it's all over. :(
I didn't read the book but Alvin said they changed a lot and didn't show a lot of things \:
Oh well..

Alright.
I'm going to go out with Stella later so I'll be doing some more studying + Econs homework now!

PRESS ON, CHARLENE.
PRESS ON, EVERYONE READING THIS!! HEHEHE ^_^

P/s: I passed promotional criteria surprisingly!! I spent so much time on Chemistry but it was the only subject with U... Nicely done :(
P/p/s: It's such a coincidence that both Stella and I topped our classes for H1 Physics!!!

K have a nice one, good day :)

T.G.I.F.

2011-07-15T08:32:00.001+08:00

T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.T.G.I.F.

2011-07-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

Let's push on!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm pretty damn glad that my Chinese Oral is over and done with.
The passage was a killer. And the conversation topic was actually easy to elaborate on... In English.

I feel kinda stressed now but then again what's new.
I suddenly feel stressed cause I have been lepaking for the past week cause I chionged my homework (chem and math) in the holidays cause I thought they were included in SA......

Okay goodnight :D

HOLGA

2011-07-07T17:03:00.002+08:00

HOLGA
[hohl-guh]

1. to play
“I’m gonna holga around with it.”
2. to innovate
“I’ll holga a way to use this film in that camera.”
3. to artistically capture images
“I can holga everything I think is beautiful.”

Holga manual

Hi I just realized I could have used my Holga much much much sooner cause it uses 35mm film and not 120mm film!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I can go use it soon :D

It uses the same film as my Vivtar.
And I realized that my mom's old film AF-DL Minolta camera uses 35mm too!
What a small world :)

So if I am feeling bo liao, I might go buy batteries (the weird weird, uncommon kind) for my mom's Minolta. It needs batteries to auto-turn the film. And it has built-in flash.
But I'm just kinda afraid that it can't work anymore!!!

My plan: Use my Lomography films and keep ONE expired film. (from 2 years ago?)
Buy more normal 200 film/Lomo films.

2011-07-05T20:06:00.001+08:00

I have had my hor fun craving for a week now :/

2011-07-04T18:35:00.001+08:00

Nobody's home.

2011-07-04T00:32:00.002+08:00

Good gosh, I really do not look forward to school on Tuesday!!!

But the really bright side is that it's Youth Day tomorrow and a good thing about being in a JC is that we don't have to go to school :D

I. Need. To. Save. Cash. Desperately.

I've been spending so much lately :(
On clothes and food!!!
Anyway when school reopens, these are some of the things I would really rather not have to deal with.

1. Going for CCA, hence having to bring the guitar to school and back home (OK I AM PARTICULARLY WHINY ABOUT THIS ALTHO I LIVE NEAR SCHOOL)
2. Fulfilling the responsibilities of a PW leader, and the PW teacher has changed......
3. Waking up early/sleeping late to complete homework and studying (if any)
4. Feeling sleepy throughout lessons
5. Pulling through lectures even though I may not understand a single shit
6. Pulling through tutorials when IDK how to do anything
7. OH. How could I forget the SA results?
8. Doing NAPHA (but there's a bright side to this, like many other things. If we get it over and done with sooner, we can all play games if we pass!!!)

On the other hand, I get to eat cheaper school food (but then how about lunch and dinner -_-) and save a bit of money.

Errrrr basically that's all I can think of now cause I'm kinda seh because I wanna sleeeeeeeeeeep.

Goodnight you people :D

2011-07-03T05:34:00.002+08:00

Hi!

It's the nice REAL holidays after the exams and I am taking this opportunity to sleep way way way later than usual!!

Surprisingly I'm not that tired now!

Okay gonna upload pix on Facebook soon :)
Looking at F21 to see if there are any cheap thrills!

Went to the Scape flea today and bought a 5 bucks highwaisted shorts and a 5 bux owl ring!
They said the shorts fit UK 6-8 but then it wrote medium. I tried it around my neck and forgot it was high waisted and not at my hips... So anyway it's pretty darn loose BUT AT LEAST IT WAS 5 BUCKS ONLY!
Then I gave Stella 5 bucks to get me an NP tshirt :)

Stella got a dress and a skull ring which is really pretty :D

I went to satisfy my 18 chefs craving for dinner HAHAHAHA.
And sneaked into Your Highness, which is my first M18 movie!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHA. MY HEART WAS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST.

GOODNIGHT LOVES.

2011-06-29T14:46:00.001+08:00

For all we know, we might not get tomorrow!

2011-06-26T15:35:00.002+08:00

It's the last day of the (so-called) June holidays!!!!

How is it called a study break, when I didn't really take a break from studying?
Seriously, guys.

Note to self: Please save more money next term. :)

2011-06-24T14:22:00.001+08:00

Hehehe it's the first time that my legs didn't ache at all after a 2.4km run!!!! :D

I ran last week, 16 minutes and a bit.
Then last night it was 15 minutes plus!!!
Hehehe I made the A grade!!!! :D
Last night I forgot that I started at 9:37PM and 17 seconds!!!
So I ended three and a half rounds around ngee ann secondary at 9:53PM.
I thought it was 16 minutes. But I forgot about the 17 seconds!!!!
Hahaha A for my age is 15:50!

I just need to run next week after the SA.
So I don't slack.

My worry is that I'll be running under the hot sun. Different from my cooling night run!!
And I'll be running around a track, 6 rounds! So idk how to pace.

I better ask Mr Chua again.
I tried googling but failed! Maybe I will try again hehe. :)

I also want to eat fruits.... It's been so long since I last ate fruits!!!

Anyway I think running often and warming up/down really helps my stamina!!!
Especially warming down, which I didn't give two hoots about last time.

Junxiang told me that our bodies absorb the most in the half an hour after exercise! So last night I drank water instead of the h20.
Hahahaha!!!

But then I realized that in school,
I always eat and drink after PE....
so what's the point LOL.

Okay and I collected all the macdonalds cups HAHAHA.
Not gonna get the black one though.

And. Finally.
What you can already expect.

I need to go study now.
Not feeling good about the SA.
I always feel so kanchiong and that I never study enough.
But this time I feel that I didn't study at all even though I did!

I also feel so extremely lazy.
I think today is the only day I stayed home to study hahaha!

Okay let's go, math revision. :)
Good day to you!!!!!

2011-06-24T11:13:00.000+08:00

Disgusting person I have to live with.

You. And your sorry self.

2011-06-23T20:41:00.001+08:00

So, I'm wondering.
Do mean people feel better about themselves when they put others down?

Or is it just a really pathetic consolation? To console their sorry selves?

I'm wonder.

The Social Network

2011-06-22T00:31:00.005+08:00

HI!!!

I just watched The Social Network and it made me appreciate Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHA.
Not easy to actually start the website sia. But I never thought about it.

Lovely looking men HAHAHA.
Andrew Garfield and Justin Timberlake!!!!!!

2011-06-21T11:07:00.000+08:00

I am looking like a lapsup queen today.

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?
I just recovered from some serious flu.... Or have I?

2011-06-18T12:27:00.002+08:00

I wanna live inspired :)

Tonight

2011-06-10T23:22:00.001+08:00

My sixth piercing still hurts grrr!!!

Anyway,
Grab somebody sexy, tell them "Hey, gimme everything tonight"

HAHAHA. Hooked on the song currently. :D

2011-06-10T14:39:00.000+08:00

Holidays machiam not holidays!!!

I haven't studied much. I did a bit of homework.
In all honesty, IDK WHETHER I WILL HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO REVISE OLD TOPICS.
At most I will finish the recent topics. :(

Okay bye gonna go take my Chemistry notes.